Wild Child Magazine

DoucheLunacyJD'sRon fitzgeraldHELP!wTF?PMRCBooked!Index Wild Child Magazine

July 21, 2011

WC

Magazine

Issue 4 Ressurection #1

C ycles

The reality of TV

Why it sucks!

THE FALL AND RISE

wTF?

of WCM

Gods

OF

A N D

How 1985 changed

MONSTERS

OF

The face of music

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Cracking the Crypt No Frame

CRYPT

THE

cRACKINg

In issue 3 (2007) we began running this DISCLAIMER WHICH WE STAND BY TODAY! Produced by CinemaJones

A very special thanks to & Soundtrack by BLACK LIST UNION

Starring: Mr. Outragouis, Tod the Bod, Charity Bray of Addictions Tattoo, HH and the WILD CHILD

WILD CHILD MAGAZINE

The usual suspects

i n d e x

WTF?

WC

Magazine

Metro NEWS

J.D.`s

G

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO WCM?

RIFF NOTEs

D-ROCK's

Game Junkie

Fall OUT 3

Mans Creation

By Lunacy Parade

click on any pic or link and off you go!

Index

photography by smoking and Mirrors

A Strangely Beautiful Interview with the Master of the dark Ron Fitzgerald

Booked!

P.M.R.C. Revisited

The Short History of BEER

Part 1 Voices from the asylum

1985's Bitch Brigade

By Anthony STORM

The reality of TV

Rectify Boredum the

Hollywood way!

W.C.G.P.S. gps

HELP!

G.P.S.

WCM

Click on any subject to expand page

Beer and Board Pusher

'S

WC

SHORT HISTORY OF BEER
Beer is one of the worlds oldest beverages!It is estimated that is was created around 9500 bcEgyptians used beer rations as payment during the construction of the pyrmids.Noah's provisions for the Ark included beer.1600 bc Egyptian text contained 100 prescriptions called for beer.55 bc Roman legions introduced beer to Northern Europe49 bc Ceasar toasted troops with beer after crossing the Rubicon1000 bc Hops introduced1200 bc Beer was established commercially inEurope, Austria and England1490 Columbus found Indians brewing beer1553 The Becks Brewery was established1620 pilgrims landed on Plymouth rock, cuz they we're almost out of beer1674 Harvard College got thier own brewhouse1757 President Washington wrote this personal recipe "to make small beer"1786 Molson Brewery was foundedGeorge Washington and Thomas Jefferson both had thier own Brewhouses1810 Munich Establishes Octoberfest1870 Adolphus Busch Pioneered a double-walled railcar and made Budwieser the first Nations brand. In the same year Yeast was discovered by Louis Pasteur.1890 Papst is the first brewer to sell 1 million barrels in a year.1909 Teddy Roosevelt Brought 500 gal. of beer on his African Safari.1933 Prohibition Ends1935 The beer can was introduced1966 Budwierser is the first brand to see 10 million Barrels in one year1978 Preident Carter Legalizes home brewingThere is more history to be learned by not much has changed since 1970'sIn our next issue we'll explore famous quotes and beer.

D-rock's Game Junkie

Game Junkie

D-ROCK's
Fallout 3Written by: Darrian TullerFallout 3 is an action role playing game releasd by Bethseda Game Studios and is the third major installment in the Fallout series. The game was relesed in October 28, 2008 in America. in Europe and Austrailla on October 30, 2008, United Kingdom and Ireland in October 31, 2008 . Japan December 4, 2008. Available for Microsoft Windows, Playstaiton 3, Xbox 360. Fallout 3 takes place in a nucular apocalpyse. The game starts out in vault 101 were soon your players dad goes missing and you have to find him you go through hardships and parrles thats what I like! The graffics on this are really sick and I would recommend it to anyone! Thats fallout 3 and thats my review!~ Till next time!

Click to enlarge
*A NOTE ABOUT D-ROCK *Darrian Tuller is the 11 year old prodical son of Wild Child Owner Bonny Tuller. Although Darrian shares his passion of video games with us, he isnt allowed to read the rest of the magazine. At 11 he shows interest in becoming the next Wild Child Owner and this is a healthy way to allow him to explore writting, however, with that said we want you to know that despite the fact he gets the material, he is not old enough to read it. We keep him informed of the articals andpictures within the magazine but at a level appropriate to him. He is our next Wild Child and the best kid ever, we are all very proud of him for his artical... But none more than his Mom!

JD's

RIFF NOTES

JD`s

JD Bradshaw Wild Child's Music expert

Jd Is Proudly endorsed by:

Download Music by JD at
Make the most of your music careerGreetings!Here are a few pointers to get your new or current music career rolling in the right direction..[1]PREPARATION It is the key to success when an opportunity comes to you unexpectedly..You must be in a position to capitalize on the opportunity handed to you and take fulladvantage of it..[2]PERSISTENCE AND DETERMINATION It means the drive to keep going and accept the disappointments in your music career without giving up or allowing idiotic outsiders who want to see you failmake decisions for you and your music career..Believe in yourself because if the talent is there and thecommitment is strong enough something good will always happen..It will be fun and rewarding too..3]REALISM A realistic attitude is a must in the music business..Commitments often become Maybes and you must weed through these promises and offers while keepingsome perspective on the situation..You must learn to recognise a real professional opportunity and go for it.. [4]FLEXIBILTYAlways be willing to change the gameplan to fit the circumstances..Being open minded is essential to maintaining success and is important in the early stages of your career..Be willing to adapt to musical opportunitys that are given to you..[5]LUCKThis is the essence of making your own breaks by opening doors, stepping through them and running withthe ball rather than leaving success to chance..Its YOUR music career and nobody elses so give it your all! Thanks for your support!

Click to enlarge

The reality of TV

Written & Edited by The Wild Child

The Reality

T

. .

OF
It is no secret that the television industry has run, head on, into a brick wall and out of idea's.(and way before any lame writers strike). In what seems to be an almost sick social experiment, the television industry struggles to find any quality in entertainment. As if they draw their ideas from a hat and fly with them, clearly boredom has set in and the creativity levels of these so called writers has been diluted. In true Hollywood fashion. Taping closer into the question of "who do we have to screw to get some ratings around here?" the industry has given up on the traditional story telling and began indulging in exploiting the private lives of its once dedicated viewers. Any asshole in a wife beater could now be a star and someone thought this was a good idea. Just sayin but I’m guessing that makes us the alter boys.And the Dawn of Reality TV was Born......GODDAMN IT! From the making of the boyband craze, which honestly made one sick to watch, to the cheaters crowd and on to the lets get married to a perfect stranger for money, and the worst of it all..the rich folk/quido tv almost silly band after school special fad that is on every channel and still makes no damn sence, Reality TV has taken over and its ridiculous!As if the entire Country has become fiendish nosy neighbors, constantly wanting to peek into our friends bedroom windows at night, invasion of privacy seems to mean nothing when you look at the overall ratings and fat pocket books behind the infestation of in your face reality TV.Nothing on TV in sacred, not family, not home, not relationships, nothing! Stalkers no longer have to leave their living rooms and the industry seems to be banking on the idiocracy of human nature. Maybe it is that America just gets off on watching train wrecks and Hollywood has found a way to capitalize on their stupidity. One way or the other in a world where everyone is a star and the more backwoods drama filled, narcotic the lifestyle, the more airtime you get...Where's the Reality in that? ORWhen your favorite rock star makes a complete ass of himself with girls that weren't even alive at the time he was popular and all to find the perfect woman, his next wife...what is left to the imagination? Literally destroying the integrity of an icon..or airing your dirty laundry .....this is quality entertainment!?! A star of any kind, (sports, rock star, actor) by default are illusive in the since that their fans are to look but not touch. It is part of their allure. When you put them under a microscope and show all their little corks or the way they really act, learning that they aren’t the person you imagined them to be disappoints on a deep level, its hard to see them the same again. We like getting to know them, little details but watching an icon play twister with a bunch of strippers, (while we at home are taking bets to see which bimbo it would be), are lead into believing that this icon is lonely and that his dwindling popularity might be miraculously brought back to life after twenty years, cuz thirty...22 year olds wanna do whatever it takes to WIN his heart? oh, wow a game show that ends in a messy media induced breakup..awesome!! (click!)Truly this shows little taste and character as most stars possess black books that look like war and piece besides the fact that it shows them at their most vulnerable... its all an act and one that leaves its audience stunned and disappointed! But it is no matter when money is involved...everyone has a price..right? and apparently even affections are on the public auction block.Not all reality shows are shit, there are a few that set the precedence but also consider themselves game shows real life environments verses the life altering reality. Involving math, physics, geometry, creativity, ingenuity, business and marketing skills and overall strategy. These real life shows explore what we are capable of. It entertains the mind and the body..stimulating activity and raising the pulses of its contestants as well as it's watchers. REAL LIFE, not made up drama style tabloid fixtures of Polyester and pedestrian ways of thinking. These richy reality shows give us a look into what its like to be spoiled and irratating.The 21 scene shows truly bring out the dumb ho's and guys you want to shoot should they say another word. MTV is just MTV and still doesn't play music cuz its all senseless reality crap. I've decided I am going to buy Brett Michaels a blow up doll, at least then I might be impressed with something a girl he was with said. Look I’m a fan and all but up until he made it on that smart show, that required one hell of a business mind & some intelligence, I was ready to just boycott him all together. Opening your home to the public takes some balls, but when you follow in the shadows of people like Flava Flav..you have to think maybe your sinking further than just the bottom of the barrel. Unimpressive and enough to make you kick the dog! (no PETA I’m not serious) As a fan it sucked watching the absurdity that unfolded in his life, it's what I mean by look but dont touch. No fan should ever watch their idol go down the preverbal tubes.Since people love their 5 seconds of fame, Hollywood will continue to profit from it, therefore it will continue to exist, and god damnit the rest of us are stuck watching it..out of boredom! The fact is people we are not that interesting, unless Jerry Springer is on your speed dial..we, as a people, are not this damn ghetto! We are better than this and deserve a better form of entertainment. Thanks Hollywood for being so fuckin board that now my life is shit too! Get off your ass and put some real thought into your writing and show me something! This is not prison or a communist Country..This is America DAMN IT so...drop some nuts! After all it is because of your lack of creativity and willingness to let a new idea become a disgusting melting pot that makes the reality of TV what it is. The reality is....IT SUCKS!AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS THE SOUND OF THE FAT LADY SINGING!!!

BOOKED!

Alice Cooper

The media has always shown us images of the music world, a recreated and scripted version that leads us to believe one thing or another about the legands of the music industry.

You've Just been

Booked!

Click to enlarge
Golf MonsterA Rock'n' Roller's 12 steps to becoming a Golf AddictWritten by Alice Cooper with Keith and Kent ZimmermanAlice Cooper book cover stolen from Amazon.com (Where you should really think about buying this book.) Media coverage, old school video television shows and the spread of bullshit rumors with the "newspaper and magazine vultures" making the story fit pocket books, its is hard to judge who we know stars to be. Or worse yet what in history, if anything, is true or false, especially when it comes to rock stars of the 60's-70's. So much so, We sometimes begin to believe we know these people as if friends when really we only hear one side of the story.Alice Cooper; Father of Shock Rock , Pro-am Golfer and now Author? Golf Monster, A Rock 'n'Rollers 12 steps to Becoming a Golf Addict is in this readers opinion honest, gritty and shocking , as you would expect from such a performer. But its what you dont expect that will keep you turning the page!Taking you from his beginning in Detroit, Mi. with the Spiders and embarks on a road trip through history, stardom and addiction. The honest accounts of some of the worlds biggest headlines told by the man who lived it. From Living with Led Zeppelin to his escapades with Jim Morrison or the "Chicken Killer" as it was popularized in the day, his book is a who's who of rock world, a year book of historical moments in Rock as well as moments from the life of a legend.What’s more impressive is finding a rare connection with someone most of us have idolized all of our lives. Finding that this star is as human as any of us, really down to earth. It puts aside any indifferences you may think you have with him, finding his story to hit allot closer to home for those of us who have a love for the art or an understanding of its hardships and celebratory moments.. His ability to turn his addiction for the Monster into a Golf Monster gives its reader strength, acceptance and a way to laugh at the little things.For Golf fans, this is a black book of Pro-Am'ers, Sports Stars and Techniques used by the pro's who in some way influenced the Artist in Alice to become one hell of a competitor on the course. Turning the greens of any club into the equal performance grounds he's know world over for. And also giving a few tricks of the trade that just may set your swing above the game.You find allot of yourself getting to know this character, his sense of humor and understanding of self makes him humble if not sincere in his writing. Spoken like a true ol' schooler Alice has found another talented way of expression but this time its more like an open door to his life, dreams, downfalls and recoveries. Relatable to everyone on every level or genre of rock music. Truly a hole in one!Alice Cooper's Golf Monster is Available at Amazon.com and other fine book/ music retailers everywhere!

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WTF

Written, felt and bled for by Wild Child

THE FALL and
Death is a release from the impressions of sense, and from impulses that make us thier puppets, from the vagaries of the mind, and the hard service of the flesh. ~Marcus Aurelius, MeditationsBefore I begin the consecration, I'd like to take a moment to explore an interlude of prodigious immaturity, and with a healthy extension of my middle finger I would proudly like to execute this well planned and properly timed facial!HA~HA I did it ya bastards! You said I couldn't do it, you talked shit, tore me down and took my spirit away ! BUT Look at me now bitches! Take that shit, like it..love that shit! Wild Child Magazine IS MINE and IM BACK!!!! SO FUCK YOU!!! I WIN!!!! IN YOUR FACE!!!!As I take in a deep breath, crack my neck and slowly exhaleThe requiem & the magnum opus.Deep within a crypt in the farthest reaches of my soul , haunting me like creatures in a dream, voices from beyond beckon me back to light. Unrested & without sanctuary, destiny has awaken me from my death.Its alas been 4 long years that my spirit has sat below the concrete and waited to once again be free. Free of mourning, free of blame and free to roam. It is July 21, 2011, the day of my birth, and the day of my resurrection.Reaching back and grasping the past is a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. You would think that every emotion would just come pouring out like a slutty prom date who's had way to much to drink. Instead I am faced with something much deeper than who did what to who, I am faced with my own mortality. Write your own eulogy someday, see how fucked up it is. Its the eeriest feeling and yet it has freed me.In 2006 upon a whim I put my life, all of my strength, faith, hope and heart into creating what I believed to be something no one person or thing could take away, because in a sense it would belong to everyone. Wild Child Magazine was my entire life, written for the world to see, open to all who believed that being a Wild Child was not just a way of life but a relation that was felt across the world. From its conception it gained momentum and became larger than I could have foreseen. It blasted across the internet and worked as its own creator, eventually finding its way to a global market. With every new day came more people, more chapters and more people to consider. Running promotions and gigging six days a week, building the site, writing the articles, maintaining the ad space, working with every chapter on their events, their articles and editing every once of every life involved. All while being a full time employee, part time mom and housekeeper to a jerk who could care less. The crazier life was, the more popular the magazine became. It was such a good time that no one noticed the cyclone forging in the blurring background. One WE ALL had created.I made so many mistakes, ones I could not prevent and others I had to let go rather than tearing myself apart over. My biggest mistakes were one that I am still learning from today. The biggest one was not paying attention to the things that really mattered and less on the rock-n-roll lifestyle. Worse yet, who I was trusting- others motivations and who was really just wanting to take me down. Once the toxicity of human nature relives itself, it begins crumbling everything in its path.This once great idea was now a mess. Within the organization alliances were made, fights began and the liberties people took in the name of the magazine were impossible to rectify. The decay manifested itself slowly, taking its toll, like having too many fat kids on the bridge ya know what I mean. Things were teetering, a once half assed balanced beam had just fell over the fence. I was so busy putting out fires and trying to keep everything & everyone together, my attention was not where it should have been. It amazes me how many graves can be dug right in front of you and not even notice. It is no wonder through this that I began to drink. But please despite the fact that admittedly I screwed up pretty bad towards the end, I couldn’t have known that the pressure building inside me, leading me to drink and stress would eventually come under fire and the down fall of the Magazine blamed directly on me. Since in the long run, this was my doing..it was all my doing. And that my friends is the biggest line of shit I have ever heard! A cancer had started amongst all of the chapters, not just our local people, but everyone at some point began feeling the pressure. Before its demise, it was rough..people taring each other down..finger pointing..relationships collapsing. There was no way I could manage this on my own, and when you don’t know who to trust..who can you ask help from?While the fog settled over and the acid rain poured, there was evil lurking in plain view not one of us saw coming. A member of our own team took us down, little by little and then completely. All over his own personal needs. When the affections of one was not returned to the other, the magazine was made to suffer..so that I would suffer in the end. It wasn’t the magazine that was really imploding on itself..it was sabotaged! Not just the magazine but bank accounts, everything. His actions tore us apart- tore me apart..he started fires..went to the next to start another, he saw a gap and took it. Everything I had ever worked for was gone. It was like I had been killed along with it, my dreams were gone..just like that! Then the shit went down.With the bank accounts, LLC license and clients in jeopardy, it was a towering inferno, and nothing we could have done as a team or on our own could have stopped it. It seems every asshole who see's you down, loves seeing you that way and kicks you..it was contagious..and extremely fucked up! It was like watching it/yourself pass away, It was indeed and needless to say the worst day of my life. It s because of that day that I have laid in shadows for the past four years. First morning, then self destruction, blaming and anger, then acceptance...and now...IM FUCKIN PISSED! The actions of one person and the ongoing mayhem and my poor management skills ended this amazing thing, we all created. No matter how hard I tried to pump life back into it, I lacked the strength, when the magazine died, so did I.

WTF story

Photography by Cambrae

Rise of

WC

Magazine
Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible. ~Jane RubiettaThe bright light didn’t come however until four years later, after years of sitting at the bottom of a bottle of Jager, determining if this life was worth fighting for. Self destructive years. When you die you think that there is going to be some kind of light at the end of a preverbal tunnel. Mine happened to be a Mack truck, only problem was not only was I laying in the middle of the highway, I was also behind the wheel. The loss of this magazine was so devastating it seemed there was no path left to follow. Ultimately however I was the one keeping ME down, in the long run I really was to blame because I just couldn’t fight. More or less because I didn't. I let the world take me down, I let people take advantage of me and my kindness, I allowed myself to believe it was over...not just the magazine but life.Some spirits however refuse to rest, Even when you bury them way down. Some come back to haunt you. Fate doesn’t like it when you fuck with destiny, so until you complete your calling as it were, the creatures will come crawling.. No matter how I hid from who I was, literally or figuratively...it found me. Voices from beyond calling out to me, using the strongest of people to communicate through, and from a tiny whisper, their efforts gave way to a thunder, breaking down the bricks and mortar, the spirit of Wild Child Magazine was still living, in everyone who loved it. Even in those who hated it, There was a glimmer of light that still burned, lighting my way from the darkness of my crypt. I gained my strength, through these amazing people (see thank you page) and little by little I eliminated everything and everyone that caused me drama and pain, released the demons within, forgave myself and everyone I personally blamed and alas...I remembered who I am..I’m the Fuckin WILD CHILD!The sun has been much brighter after I left my death behind. Brighter than ever in my life before. it empowers me to dream again. The spirit of the magazine has returned and with it a brand new existence.From death, we have found life. From the ashes we have found strength, and from the pain Ive learned that I never want to die (again) knowing I didn’t finish what I started, or that I didnt at least try one last time to fulfill what hand fate has dealt me. You only get one shot at death, but you have every day to live your life.Welcome to mine.

Lunacy Parade

In your FACE book

Mans creation

MAN'S cREATION

My cell phone rings and I check my caller ID. I see it is someone I know and would normally like to talk to, so I answer. On the other end I hear an irate voice from a new user of Facebook. The reaction this person is having to a post someone put up as their status caught me off guard. I ask this person, "Did they mention your name or insinuate you may be a guilty party?""Well, no" from the other end." Do you think maybe you are being a little narcissistic?"This sets the caller off. the conversation basically ended with me explaining , some people shouldn’t have an account if its going to raise blood pressure to such an extreme. this wasn't the first time I had experienced this, however, within the past two days before this I had received phone calls from other friends about people going ballistic about Facebook posts and threads. I laughed hearing these ludicrous stories of the self-righteous deciding to be the internet police. Last I checked we still do have freedom of speech and yet our associates and people we know personally have made it a mission to monitor or at least let ys know what is ok to post and what is not.I say "FUCK YOU!" It's my page and if I want to post about how I haven't been able to take a solid bowel movement for two days that is what I am posting.My point is my game, my rules. You don't have to be my friend or you can hide me, but don't call me on the phone and yammer on to me about how offensive I am or one of my visitors are. Nobody is holding a gun to your head to snoop on my page. You are being way more offensive by making that call and wasting my precious time. Thank you very little, now I will never get that five minutes back that your call made me lose.I love the internet, but I cannot deny some of the wedges I have witnessed in some relationships and situations. Some people don’t realize that when they type or text in capital letters that means they are yelling. They are honestly ignorant to this particular internet etiquette. People also get really upset about photos of themselves popping up. This one I cannot blame. I think the overall misconception of Facebook is people started using it to promote themselves. There are other sights designed for the professional and if you are interested you can find them quite easily through Google.I have to admit, way back in the nineties life was a lot simpler. We didn't have fancy cell phones that would connect us to social networks, we couldn't take a picture and broadcast it within seconds to cyberspace, and we certainly couldn't send a drunken text in the middle of the night that might be misinterpreted and cost a friendship or booty call. In the nineties we didn't take a lot of self-portraits where you could actually see our arm and tell we were holding the camera from a distance hoping we got the most flattering shot of ourselves. No, you see, in the nineties we had pagers and cameras with film that you had to take in to get developed and that would cost money. There was no delete button if you didn't like the picture. You bought it and you were stuck with it. Whatever obey we did have we spent on cheap beer and we needed to save our extra quarters in our pockets to make a call at the payphone. Sometimes they picked up and sometimes you lost your quarter to the answering machine. These calls from payphones usually could not be returned unless you were calling from the ghetto phone. By the way, one of those does still exist in the Brooklyn neighborhood of Portland on Milwaukie Avenue right across from the Brooklyn Park. I love modern technology, but I also realize not everybody is made up to handle it. I wouldn’t give up any of my gadgets, but miss the simplicity of the good old days when things were not always written. It is like they say, "if you didn't write it, it didn't happen."

Nobody

Written by Lunacy parade

Voices from the Asylum

Voices From The Asylum
It always amazes me how often I look over into another car and see the same scene, some idiot looking straight at the screen of their phone while they're driving. Now, let me just throw out there to avoid hypocrasy, yes I look at my phone sometimes while driving too. I'm not perfect, in fact I'm so far away from perfect that I'd need a map and some luck to even get close. I'll take a call sometimes, but I have a Bluetooth headset I'll throw on at least a minute or so after connecting. I try and be responsible, in my own rebel 'flipping the bird at the man' kind of way. But I'm not talking about us normal folks squeezing in a phone call when it comes in. I'm talking about the extreme cases. And if being able at any random time to see a dozen people in traffic on their phones tells you anything at all, it tells you that extreme case idiots are out there in force. Texting, calling, Facebooking, driving, notice how driving isn’t at the front of the list? Exactly.This is a real deal folks. It takes sense to drive in traffic safely, just a little common sense. Unfortunately, there is nothing common about that, in rush hour traffic sense is about as common as Charlie Sheen at Sunday service. Add to that the license to kill otherwise known as an 'unlimited data plan' streaming television and God knows what else onto phones, and clearly Common Sense has brought a dull knife to a gun fight.Look, no one is perfect, we all have our moments. Whether rushing to the hospital, knowing that being late 'one more time' is the end of your job, stuck on the freeway while trying not to miss a flight, each car you cut off gaining you half a precious second, we've all been there. This is generally the exception though, not the damn rule. Juggling food, cigs, and drinks is hard enough while driving, but technology for the past several years has raised the stakes, through the damned roof! There is now way too much distraction for feeble minds to resist. You have mentally challenged kamikazes spinning the wheel of Natural Selection to update their Facebook statuses or to text their buddy that they're running five minutes late. Never mind that steel death machine they're currently maneuvering around town at killing speeds. Some folks are so jacked into the grid that they can't brush their yellowing teeth without a Google email reminder. And yes, they'll get that reminder while driving AND they'll reply to it too. Idiots doing stupid shit without understanding and/or ignoring the consequences; this is the real problem.Natural selection used to take care of this situation just fine. If you didn't have the basic brain function to look where you were going while changing lanes at 70 mph, you eventually killed yourself off simply by virtue of being a stupid douche-bag, Natural Selection achieved. It is a brutal system to be sure, yet elegant and effective in its simplicity. But if there is one thing us humans are good at, it's screwing up the order of things. With all of our bike helmets, seat belts, crumple zones, and childproof caps keeping the slowest and dumbest members of our herd alive, it leaves them free to drive around, gleefully distracted while enjoying 2 tons of Detroit 'Fuck You' protecting their expansive waistlines. They're just out there zipping around erratically, taxing the nervous systems of the undeserving and the innocent. If we can sue McDiabetes for their coffee being too hot, can we safely take a stand for safety without losing our ass in a lawsuit?The answer is, you can't. More to the point, you can't regulate human behavior. We can't just take the cars away from the distracted, they would go out kicking and screaming while gripping that steering wheel with every ounce of energy they possess in that free hand. Afterwards they'd find someone to sue for violating their personal rights because people are fucking spoiled. I've even seen cops knee driving in traffic, and they legally have a fucking LAPTOP in front of them they can play with. It's kind of hard to feel safe in that crosswalk when you're competing against streaming porn.Make the cars safer maybe? The Smart Car does offer some hope, after all you can't do much damage when you're driving a ping pong ball. However unless our mentally distracted hero is also an ecologically aware hipster with some disposable income, then the Smart Car ain't happening. I mean, there is some great potential here, once we're all driving around in motorized marshmallows then the conversation shifts from being safe behind the wheel to winning at bumper cars. That second conversation would be more fun to have, we’re just not there yet.So, the point of this rant? To put it in simple terms, don't be a douche-bag. Your Google calendar can be updated after you get to work, that text message that just came in isn't THAT damn important that it can't wait a few minutes, and if you want to watch Jerry Springer/Judge Judy/Loser Daytime TV, watch it on a REAL TV in a ROOM somewhere. Are we as a society really asking that much? Have we grown so used to multi-tasking every aspect or our lives that eating windshield glass at high speeds isn't even a deterrent anymore? Maybe we need to reassess what is important in our lives. And then once we've identified those things, resist the temptation to download them onto our smart phones. Then talk to me when we're all bouncing around in Marshmallow cars, because bumper cars are MY bitch!Anthony Storm

Distracted Douche-bags

Written by Anthony Storm

PMRC Revisited

The

Part 1

P . M . R . C

Revisited

Written & Edited by The Wild Child
IN1985These four woman began a campaign that nearly abolished our freedoms of expression, almost suceeded in forcing a Nation to conform to the "Moral Majority," idea's and principals, but more importantly, these four "Washington Wife's" suceeded in bringing the moral rule to our Senate and inches from revoking one of our most basic of human rights....OUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH!Introducing:The PMRParent Music ResourceCenterSelf Appointed "Moral Majority" Leaders, Self Richous NPTA (National Parent Teachers Association) members and founding MOTHERS of the 85' Bitch Brigade:Mary Elizabeth "TIPPER" GoreX-Wife of Former Vice President Al GoreThen SenatorSusan BakerWife of James BakerFormer US Treasury SecretaryPam HowarWife of Wealthy Realitor Rev. Ramond HowarSally NeviusWife of Washington City Council Chairman John Nevius

PMRC Story

Is Tipper Gore The ANTICHRIST?
In the Quatrains written by the Famous Nostradamus, he speaks poetically of the entity he believed would one day become the Anti-Christ. He said that someone within political power would combined with that of religion power and take over the entire free world. Sounds eerily close to any discription of a former head of the PMRC, Moral Majority leader and The most hated of woman on the planet former Vice President Al Gore's nightmare wife, or excuse me..Vice Presidents X-wife Mary Elizabeth "Tipper" Gore. In fact if were to look up the anti-Christ in the book of Revelation you'd most likely find a step by step guide to her entire media career, her rise to unbelievable power and self preservation to her distructive tirants that lead this country to a political and religious strong hold. All in the name of morality, self preservation and the power of the monetary judicial system...Coincidence? We think not.In 1984 good Ol' Tip decided to buy her daughter a copy of Prince "PURPLE RAIN", as if the biggest fucking idiot in the world. This waist of skin had never heard or seen Prince before. Despite the movies, the complete hostile take over of MTV of the time and his Multi-platinum dynasty he was building, not to mention Morris Day and The Time, Appolonia 6...of the movie by the same name…need we go on? You'd have to be dead or a fuck tard not to know who he was..and at any age. So she buys its and the gate of hell were opened, she heard Darling Nikki..God I wish I could have seen her face! Priceless! So after taking it away she decided to check out other music videos and this is what she has to say... ""The images frightened my children, they frightened me! I am frightened! Way frightened! The graphic sex and the violence were too much for us to handle." And she was married to Al Gore..victim here, I think not. So anyways,She, being the direct spawn of Satan himself ,calls upon the darkest of forces, The Washington House Wife's ( Bump bum baaaaa!) & all married to every political demons money could buy. This morbidly prudent sisters of the c-u next Tuesday club, in what could only be described as a coupon swappin, mud-masked, moo moo on the spin cycle poker party bitch session, began plotting the diabolical plan to end the freedoms of the world FOREVER!It does make one wonder, However how she got this nick name of hers, "Tipper" sounds more like a Stripper name or may be a Hooters Waitress..just saying! Also makes Mrs. Morality seem a bit hypocritical...don’t it? Or maybe its because when she went to private CATHOLIC school..She was actually a drummer in a Rock N Roll Band called the Wild Cats...Hmmm....Where was I? Oh, The Anti-Christ..right! so anyways, During this cyclone of post moral feminism, Tip and her good buddy Susan..We'll just call her Senorita bitch face for short,( incidentally married to the former US Treasury Secretary.), gather a coven of witches all bent on the dictatorship and religious take over plan. Each more evil than the next and by 1995, bore their wrath to the world, the PMRC. Good Ol' Tip used the hell out of her husbands, then running campaign from the Senate to the Presidency, exploiting every avenue she could. She despicably used the deaths of two teen age boys. After they got drunk and plotted suicide..one blew his head completely off and other one only blew only half his face off and some how the whole thing got blamed on Judas Priest, now am I ringing any bells? The PMRC then hooks up with the second most deprecated and pedestrian joke on the planet, the NPTA, and with an undisclosed financial backer (cough..cough THE DEVIL) creeped on to every media source they could find screaming "back masking, Satanic practices, foul language and sexual, sometimes violent content...bla bla bla". Seemed however , no one in the industry could give two shits about some holier than thou nut job. Until she once again used her husbands pull in the Senate to afford her a word or two in every paper in the country. Leaving major stores to blacklist anything the PMRC deemed offensive. Forcing the religious beliefs of a corrupt and unmanageable government all so she can get away with wearing white silk panties? Oh Tipper...how doth the 3 headed monster roar. The seas boiled, the sky fell, her day of reckoning went from a tea party into decimation in the name of both state and religion. Her reign of terror was beginning to gain momentum as, one by one, companies fell to the moral majority dictatorships rule by the power hungry and presumptuous PMRC. Meanwhile more and more money poured in to her campaign, (never revealing her sources)she presented an ace from her sleeve with the release of the PMRC's 15 filthiest songs list. ( See Book II for details)Breaking the seals of signs, the end of days count down had begun.Finally with the focus of the world on her, the small print began to come clean..She got audience with the Senate! For what? Well I am damn glad you asked, this bitch made such a racket in schools, malls and even the local radio stations that the Senate took notice. Or that is what the papers will have you believe. It is also well known that as many times as she used her Church and husband as an excuse to be so cunty, she also knows the game. Blackmail isnt really illegal in Washington, if that was the case, we would never have lobbiests.Cuz, ya know she fucked someone to get that kind of notice...oh yes, she did..The now Vice President Al Gore. Armed with the well paid and fake-crazed media, record labels dropped like flies and the church got even more fucked up, they made the non negotiable demand, let off the atomic blast. Place explicit lyric labels on whatever we tell you, or we will make it illegal. Hence forth, all record labels that refuse this label, along with the Black listing would too be criminalized like murders, and tried in court. Some how by passing the public vote mind you.and on In August 1985, 19 record companies crumbled and agreed to put "Parental Guidance: Explicit Lyrics" labels on albums but it wasn’t good enough for them..she pushed her way further. September 19, 1985, the PMRC collides with two of the biggest rockers our planet has ever seen Dee Snider & Frank Zappa(,In the next issue of Wild Child we will explore that hearing but for now...) Testifying before the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee, the subject ~ the content of certain sound recordings and suggestions that recording packages be labeled to provide a warning to prospective purchasers of sexually explicit or other potentially offensive content." As stomach turning as it is, the devils advocate was paying attention in her pastors office, and learned how to fuck people over in the name of god and make it a blessing.Now, how did a church girl, with no political background or education nor a half a brain to plot this herself, how did this one woman become such a threat to our music industry? From the PTA to Senate in less than a half of year, my ass! A threat to our freedom of speech, freedom of expression, the right to free press and the abolishment of laws that protects us from wrongful prosecution...one fucked up religious fuck did all of this? Lets recap shall we?1) the bitch has horns!2) someone in political power who makes people trust them3) when ever near, the faint odor of sulfur can be smelled.4) someone with religious ties and motivations5) The power to inject evil unto the entire world and so used to being blamed that its now the norm and no longer deemed a sin. or was it the dinner invites from the pope?6) she has a forked tongue7) She is under the belief that if she and the word of her book is not followed, then you must parish8) She holds herself above all gods9)She has a 666 birthmark on her neck- we are damn sure of it! We are waiting for the Zombie apocalypse for an excuse to hunt her down and shave her head.10) She has no reflection, or soul, or good looks, talent, anything interesting to say...we'd say as it is..she has a face only a Vice President could love..and then dump in an embarrassing and very public divorce.Tippers endorsement of corporate law and the manipulation of thousand of minds, makes her the best candidates for the Anti-Christ, and our firm belief in this, may one day be the lone savior of the world..Heed our warning: When the atomic bomb does go off, all that will be left is this stupid fucking label, Twinkies, roaches and Tipper Gore. When the end of the world comes and the skies turn blood red..be looking for the bouffant..hiding a set of horns...Tipper's coming for us...and when she does, we'll be ready~Coming up in the next issue of WILD CHILD.. The PMRC DESTROYED!!!!

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Actor, Artist, Illusionist, Horror movie host, Radio Personality & Guniess Book of world Record Holder, Ron Fitzgerald is of God and of Monsters...But is he indeed man or beast?Come with me on a journey to another realm, into the darkest reaches of your mind. To where fear goes to hide. Travel the path to the Realm of Master fitzgerald and here his ghostly calling. To a land of the Wierd, the Bizzare, the Beautiful.Enter Only if YOUDARE!

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